Home > Uncategorized > Trying to process the last three days…

Trying to process the last three days…

I’m a writer. I love to write, create stories, characters.

The last few nights I have wanted to catch up on writing but have only myself staring at the computer screen. Not because I have writer’s block or anything but looking at news, at social media in regards to recent police shootings. Police shooting at people and getting shot at. First was Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge, a man on the street. There was anger, hurt, heartbreak over that death and the circumstances of it. There were questions and promises of a through investigation. Then not even 24 hours later I am looking at twitter and I see Forest Heights Shooting trending. I click on it and again I am thrown back into the hurt, fear and countless other reactions seeing Philando Castile shot in Minnesota. His girlfriend live streaming as he was gunned down, according to her, complying with police orders. He was licensed to carry the firearm he told the officer he had on him at the time.

I am still waiting for NRA outrage at a dedicated 2nd Amendment believer getting shot.

And then I am sitting in a Republican executive committee meeting last night, far away from social media and someone mentions craziness downtown. I am finally able to get to a computer and see the horror unfold in Dallas. It’s all a big train wreck that you want to look away from but can’t. Social media does what it does. Inflammatory rhetoric on all sides of the arguments, racism spewed by keyboard gangstas, misinformation in the media desperate to be FIRST rather than being CORRECT. You see a man labeled as a suspect by Dallas Police, cleared and yet their ‘suspect’ tweet of him remains online. I realize Dallas PD are busy with what is going on, but it would take their social media manager two clicks to fix that, in case someone sees that and tries to take a shot at the man. You have a former congressman threatening the president and the country with race war, it’s just been crazy.

And hours later we see there is a suspect who has been named. A shooter they killed in the wee hours of the morning. A black man. Micah Xavier Johnson, apparently wanting to kill whites and white cops. He’s angry about what has happened, but completely oblivious about the damage his actions are causing this country and his own race in particular. It was said and proven through pictures and video to be a peaceful demonstration and he screwed that up.

Sure I am mad about things. And I am growing tired of just tweeting cute little memes and uplifting quotes. I want to do something tangible to help my people, to help this country. But you surely will not see me taking up any violent means for this. Violence only brings more violence. It gives people justification for other heinous acts, it causes escalation and that will only lead to more madness.

I fear for my sons, teenage black boys. Because of their mother, I don’t know where in Texas they are. I don’t know what’s happening to them but I know what could happen to them at the hands of society, police, etc. That’s terrifying. One of my brothers had a survival talk with his two sons yesterday. I wish I could have it with mine.

Now I work with police every day. I cover law enforcement for the paper here, so I know there are lots and lots of great men and women in the badge. I think it is ridiculous that so many have died having to protect people from the actions of one fringe person. I will send many a prayer up for them to get the comfort and strength those families need to get through this.

Unfortunately, like any other profession there can be bad apples. I still get a lump in my throat and clench up a bit when I am riding down the road and a patrol car gets behind me or even beside me, even more so when I am stopped by one. I am a law abiding citizen of course so I have nothing to fear, and yet that fear remains.

I’ve had white people think I was going to steal their car because I was standing within 5 feet of it.

I am as angry as many out there. But we have to do more and we have to make changes to the system at large and to our attitudes, our rhetoric.

I don’t know how long it will take cooler heads to prevail in this. We have real issues, real business to tend to and events like this and the shootings before this only serve to set things back.

We will continue to mourn, to question, to rage. But those that are about positive dialogue and positive change, I hope they will continue the struggle. I hope those that have big hearts and lots of love to share with their fellow man continue to do so. Just as the actions of the officers are not indicative of every officer out there, the actions of the shooter are not indicative of the rest of us out there that share his skin color.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. July 8, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Reblogged this on Taurian Films.

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